the reality of dad
my parents were married for 22 years. from my perspective as their daughter their marriage was never great. there were times that were better than others, but mostly it was a relationship of neccessity. they loved each other, but were not in love.
this set of circumstances effected my life in many ways. one of the ways i've only recently come to understand though is to what degree it impacted my perspective on my dad.
my childhood was saturated with my mom's opinions, feelings and ideas of who my dad was. and who he was in relationship to us kids. i swallowed many of these ideas whole. believed them, internatilized them, knew nothing other than them.
they weren't horrible ideas, but they reflect my mom's discouragement and hopelessnes about my dad and their relationship.
lately, i've been mining my memories for the reality of my dad. who was my dad really when i was growing up. and who is he now?
as i've been exploring these new perspectives, i've noticed that almost every thought that naturally pops into my head about my dad is my mom's thinking - not mine. it's refreshing to question whether or not i actually agree.
what i'm noticing thus far is that my dad is funny, playful, creative and kind. he is an unassuming guy who is liked by many people. he is a great conversationalist - we can easily talk for hours about anything and nothing at all.
i don't know where all these explorations will lead me, but thus far the reality looks good. for me and my dad.
4 comments:
I think it's wonderful that you are finding this out before it's too late. I didn't start to rethink who my dad was until after he passed. Now I know I missed out on a lot of things that could have been good, because I swallowed my mom's view hook, line and sinker.
Not that I blame my mom....she did the best she could with what she knew. But it makes me think carefully about how I talk to children about the people they know. I obviously have my take on their parents (usually my siblings), and I need to not let that influence their love for, and devotion to, their parents.
Not that there's any threat there...I love my siblings.
Great, thought-provoking post!
This was very poignant and insightful. I'm glad that you have been able to cultivate your own relationship with your dad.
My dad died three years ago, out of the blue. Our relationship was wonderful, despite bumps, but there are still things I wish I could ask him, tell him, etc., almost every day.
I'm new to your blog, and I really like it. (I found you through a mention in the book Anti 9-to-5 Guide by Michelle Goodman.) Best of luck with everything!
:) Erin
this is a wonderful project--to try to form your beliefs about him based on what YOU think. this makes me think of my own family, and how many of my opinions of people in my family are based on what my mom (or others in the fam) think and have told me of that person. i think this happened because i am the youngest, so people sort of threw their thoughts of others onto me. and you kind of take them, without questioning.
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